Friday 22 November 2013

Funny Marriage Quotes

Funny Marriage Quotes Definition

Source(Google.com.pk)
1. Marriage is not a word. It's a sentence (a life sentence).
2. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore marriage is an institution for the blind.
3. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her masters.
4. Marriage is a three-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering.
5. Married life is full of excitement and frustration: In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the       woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.In the third year, they both speak and the NEIGHBOUR listens.
6. Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.You order what you want, and when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that instead.
7. There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced.
8. A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the wife takes.
9. Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad? Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it.
10. Son: Is it true Dad? I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her. Father: That happens everywhere, son, EVERYWHERE!
11. Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
12. They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defense.
13. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a 10-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.
14. There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married, and now he is going through HELL.
16. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
17. Eighty percent of married men cheat in America, the rest cheat in Europe.
18. After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin. They just can't face each other, but they still stay together.
19. Marriage is man and a woman become one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
20. Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After the marriage the "Y" becomes silent.
21. I married Miss right; I just didn't know her first name was Always.
22. It's not true that married men live longer than single men, it only seems longer.
23. Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
24. A man was complaining to a friend: I HAD IT ALL-MONEY, A BEAUTIFUL HOUSE, THE LOVE OF A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN, THEN POW! IT WAS ALL GONE. WHAT HAPPENED, asked his friend. He says MY WIFE FOUND OUT.
25. WIFE: Let's go out and have some fun tonight. HUSBAND: OK, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway lighs on.
26. At a cocktail party, one woman said to another: AREN'T YOU WEARING YOUR RING ON THE WRONG FINGER? The other replied, YES, I, AM. I MARRIED THE WRONG MAN.
27. Man is incomplete until he gets married, then he is finished.
28. It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
29. A man inserted an ad in the paper - WIFE WANTED. The next day he received a hundred of letters and they all said the same thing - YOU CAN HAVE MINE.

30. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing - either the car is new or the wife is.
Marriages may be made in heaven, but they sure have to be managed right here on earth. That's easier said than done. Take a dig at the funny side of marriage. These funny marriage quotes are good stress busters. They make you laugh at the banalities of marriage. When you read funny marriage quotes, you realize that even a perfect marriage has its inherent flaws but those flaws add to the charm of marriage.
Whenever you're wrong admit it;
Whenever you're right shut up.
Bill Cosby
For two people in a marriage to live together day after day is unquestionably the one miracle the Vatican has overlooked.
Patrick Murray
I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't.
Gloria Steinem
I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.
Groucho Marx
Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.





















Wednesday 13 November 2013

Funny Jokes And Quotes Definition

Funny Jokes And Quotes Definition
Source(google.com.pk)  
I don't mind making jokes, but I don't want to look like one.
Marilyn Monroe
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
Dolly Parton
I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
Will Rogers
Go
Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee, and I'll forgive Thy great big joke on me.
Robert Frost
In black neighborhoods, everybody appreciated comedy about real life. In the white community, fantasy was funnier. I started looking for the jokes that were equally hilarious across the board, for totally different reasons.
Will Smith
Tommy Lee Jones is hilarious. I would say, if you look at the body of his work, the character he is most like is the one in 'The Fugitive.' That's how he talks and jokes. That is the type of energy he has.
Will Smith All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me.
Mitch Hedberg
I like to hold the microphone cord like this, I pinch it together, then I let it go, then you hear a whole bunch of jokes at once.
Mitch Hedberg
You know, my first album, some of those jokes I'd done for twelve years because I couldn't throw 'em out.
Ron White
A difference of taste in jokes is a great strain on the affections.
George Eliot
I enjoy jokes, smiling, and making people smile. I may be a little different, but that's OK, who wants to be normal anyway?
Tim Duncan
Different taste in jokes is a great strain on the affections.
George Eliot
The best ideas come as jokes. Make your thinking as funny as possible.
David Ogilvy
A serious and good philosophical work could be written consisting entirely of jokes.
Ludwig Wittgenstein
Honest good humor is the oil and wine of a merry meeting, and there is no jovial companionship equal to that where the jokes are rather small and laughter abundant.
Washington Irving
It is requisite for the relaxation of the mind that we make use, from time to time, of playful deeds and jokes.
Thomas Aquinas
I'm sure we, the American people, are the butt of jokes by those in power.
Alice Walker I love life in spite of all that mars it. I love friendship, jokes and laughter.
Tahar Ben Jelloun
For every ten jokes you acquire a hundred enemies.
Laurence Sterne A girl can tell I like her when I blush or start telling bad jokes.
Zac Efron
Wit is a weapon. Jokes are a masculine way of inflicting superiority. But humor is the pursuit of a gentle grin, usually in solitude.
Frank Muir
I love to write jokes and that's all I think about.
Rita Rudner
Specifically in stand-up, I love jokes. I love short, structured ideas and a punchline.
Demetri Martin
My jokes are in my head and I have a duplicate copy of my jokes in a lot of British comics' heads, where they are safe.
Emo Philips
Our subconscious minds have no sense of humor, play no jokes and cannot tell the difference between reality and an imagined thought or image. What we continually think about eventually will manifest in our lives.
Robert Collier

















  

Funny Friend Quotes

Funny Friend Quotes Definition

Source(Google.com.pk)
A friend is one who knows us, but loves us anyway. -- Fr. Jerome Cummings
Remember, the greatest gift is not found in a store nor under a tree, but in the hearts of true friends. -- Cindy Lew
Who finds a faithful friend, finds a treasure. -- Jewish Saying
"Your friend is the man who knows all about you, and still likes you."
-- Elbert Hubbard
"Who finds a faithful friend, finds a treasure."
-- Jewish saying
What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies. -- Aristotle
Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow.
Don't walk behind me, I may not lead.
Just walk beside me and be my friend.-- Albert Camus
"The only way to have a friend is to be one."
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The best way to destroy an enemy is to make him a friend.-- Abraham Lincoln
Hold a true friend with both your hands. -- Nigerian Proverb
"A faithful friend is the medicine of life."
-- Apocrypha
Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And we are never, ever the same.-- Anonymous
Friends are like melons; shall I tell you why? To find one good you must one hundred try. -- Claude Mermet
"Friendship multiplies the good of life and divides the evil."
-- Baltasar Gracian (1647)
"Friendship needs no words..."
-- Dag Hammarskjold.
"Friends are the sunshine of life."
-- John Hay (1871)
"The best mirror is an old friend."
--George Herbert
More Friendship quotes :
One who looks for a friend without faults will have none. -- Hasidic Saying
A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.-- Walter Winchell
Friends are needed both for joy and for sorrow. -- Samuel Paterson
Friendship is the golden thread that ties the heart of all the world.-- John Evelyn
Friendship doubles our joy and divides our grief.-- Swedish proverb
A friend hears the song in my heart and sings it to me when my memory fails.-- Anonymous
Count your age with friends but not with years - Anonymous
Plant a seed of friendship; reap a bouquet of happiness. -- Lois L. Kaufman
"I keep my friends as misers do their treasure, because, of all the things granted us by wisdom, none is greater or better than friendship."
-- Pietro Aretino (1537)
"There is nothing worth the wear of winning, but laughter and the love of friends."
-- Hillaire Belloc
"The rain may be falling hard outside,
But your smile makes it all alright.
I'm so glad that you're my friend.
I know our friendship will never end."
-- Robert Alan
"Wishing to be friends is quick work, but friendship is a slow-ripening fruit."
-- Aristotle (4th century B.C.)
"Friendship is essentially a partnership."
-- Aristotle (4th century B.C.)
"Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe unto him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up."
-- The Bible: Ecclesiastes 4:9-10.
"Friendship is a strong and habitual inclination in two persons to promote the good and happiness of one another."
-- Eustace Budgell (1711)